The Beauty of a Courageous Conversation.

Are you having the courageous conversations with your Lover? 

Do you even feel safe to have those conversations? 

It's definitely a learnt ability. It takes authenticity, vulnerability and courage. 

The willingness and ability to have Courageous Conversations is the cornerstone for true connection. 

Most people avoid these conversations because they require self reflection, they often require you to confront your fears. 

They require you to show up and be seen, risking exposure and the risk that you might not like what you are going to hear. 

They require radical honesty and raw authenticity. It's sometimes excruciating sitting through it.....but I guarantee you it's the gateway to a better understanding of each other and deep connection. 

What does a courageous conversation look like?

It's talking through our deeply uncomfortable truths. It might be a question about that condom in his wallet when you know you don't use them, it might be the confession that you are attracted to someone else, it might be the conversation about that slightly naughty thing you keep fantasising about, it might be the confession that you have been faking it for months, it might be the discussion about your greatest goals and dreams for your future, it might be the question about what you can do to better love him, it might be the discussion about his porn stash that you both have been pretending doesn't exist, it might be admitting how we fucked up, it might be sharing our fears, it might be admitting we are lost, it might be admitting that she no longer turns you on, it might be confessing that you don't feel connected to him anymore......it can be a thousand different things. But it's always, always uncomfortable because it peels back another layer. Because it reveals more of you. Because it's vulnerable. Because it's authentic.......and that's why it leads to deep connection. 

Please understand, this is not advisable in every relationship. If your relationship is manipulative, controlling or dysfunctional, deep truth telling simply hands an abuser more weapons.....so don't go there. 

If your relationship Is reciprocal, loving and safe this will deepen intimacy. 

Rules for courageous conversations.

1: Check in with timing. Is now a good time. Are you both present emotionally. If you are feeling fragile now might not be a good time. Are you both comfortable?

2: Agree that this is going to be a courageous conversation. This is code for this is me being vulnerable and I need you to hold space and support me. It also sets the scene for egos put aside and creating a safe space for whatever comes up in the course of the conversation. 

3: Agree that emotion is ok. It's ok to feel hurt, angry, disappointed, or whatever comes up. It's ok to feel and express all that comes up but it must NEVER involve personal attack or insults or disrespect of any form. This is essential for building a safe container of trust where these conversations can be had. 

4: Listen. Listen. Listen so deeply that you feel what the other person is saying. Do not interrupt. Paraphrase what they've said and ask them to confirm that you've understood. Accept their truth. You don't get to decide how the other person feels.

5: Remember you are on the same team. Whatever has been said is not an attack on you. 

6: Thank them for sharing their truth. Thank them for their vulnerability and authenticity. 

7: Ask if there is something that the other person would like you to do.