What does it take for a woman to truly surrender?

Ask any man who's ever had a woman totally surrender to him.....and he remembers it forever. It fills a need deep inside him that he didn't even know existed until he experienced it. It touches him deep in the core of his masculine satisfaction. We are not just talking sex here. There's something primal about it. 

What does it take for a woman to truly surrender? 

The truth is, if men don't show up emotionally, we find our relationships unfulfilling. We just don't reach that deep level of connection and emotional expression that we crave......and men feel it too. There's a disconnect. 

Firstly, I want to say, I love men!

I love their male smell, their physical strength, their cheeky boyish grins and sense of humour, their need to protect and the single minded way they do things, including making love. I love their masculinity, their broad shoulders, their physicality, their sexual drive. 

I adore them and I never feel more feminine or sexy than in their presence. My sensuality and sexual drive is very much triggered by the presence of a man in my life. 

However, I'm also, like many women, incredibly disappointed in them. 

I speak with women in large numbers and so many of them are frustrated that their men are not showing up, showing up in their relationship, showing up fully in their lives. 

Sometimes we wait years, decades ...... hoping, cajoling, nagging......

before finally ending our marriages. 

We want to fully surrender but simply cannot if we don't feel safe. 

We are wary, holding back, unwilling to be fully vulnerable, because to be the only person showing up emotionally leaves us emotionally exposed. 

Sometimes we simply don't feel safe exposing ourselves, sometimes because we've been hurt and disappointed before. 

So, what does it take to create a place where a woman can truly surrender? 

It takes creating a safe container: A deeply connected relationship. 

Create a safe container - non judgement. If she hears you judging /criticising others, finding others lacking, she knows you'll turn that that critical eye towards her too at some point. 

Build Trust - this is multifaceted. She needs to trust your word, that you speak your unshakeable truth, That your word is rock solid, that you mean what you say and that you'll do as you say ......every single time. Be aware, if you let her down, (and you will at times) you need to own it to repair it. 

Be Vulnerable - that you'll share your emotions. She won't feel safe if she's the only one sharing. She'll just feel exposed. 

Be Truthful - hard truths need to be spoken too. If you can speak these then it builds trust. Honesty comes before the relationship. You have to be willing to risk the relationship for the sake of truth. 

Be Authentic - being real, being yourself, quirks and all. No pretence, no facades

Be Present - show up. Don't be distracted when you are with her. 

Desire - let her know you desire her. Tell her about your desires. If you think of her through the day and get hard ...tell her! If you look at her and think she's sexy - share that thought. If you fantasise about her when you aren't together - let her know. If you think about sex with her 50 times a day - say so! Most women love to feel desired and many find that their own libido is triggered by feeling wanted. At the very least she'll feel sexy! 

Effort - put in the effort. Be a steward of the relationship. Do the maintenance on 

It. Dates, flowers, cards, gifts, love notes. Never stop working on making it the best it can be. 

Respect - demonstrate that you respect her. Let her influence you. Listen to her ideas and opinions. Consult her. Speak with respect. Speak well of her even when she's not with you. 

This type of relationship is possible, and only gets deeper 

with time and effort.