The Walkaway Wife

Once, there was a middle aged man.

He was what most people would describe as a good man, in fact even his wife said so.

He was hardworking, he always did what was necessary to provide for his family. 

He cared about his wife and children, even though he struggled to demonstrate it. He felt that the effort he put into providing for them and in maintaining the family home demonstrated his love for them clearly. 

His relationship with his kids wasn't bad and his marriage was, like most, it had its ups and downs. 

His wife had complained occasionally that there was something missing in the marriage, but he didn't have a problem, so the problem must be hers. These complaints had stopped in recent years anyway. In fact, there was less conflict than there had ever been

The sex was good, when they had it. He'd like it a little more often, but hey, life was busy. 

He prided himself on being a considerate lover and he always made sure his wife orgasmed first. She seemed to enjoy it well enough. 

Then one day his wife dropped a bombshell. She said she was moving out. There was no fight, no discussion, just, I'm done. I'm leaving. 

He thought that they'd work it out, that this was just another of her emotional outbursts and they'd work through it, women were, after all, controlled by unreasonable emotions. A few days was all that was needed and things would blow over. 

Only they didn't. She didn't come to back. Ever. 

Sadly, this is the story of many middle aged men. 

They are good men, good providers, hard workers and they would tell you they value their families and wives. 

But here's the thing, a marriage is a partnership, an agreement of reciprocity, and when one person isn't getting what they need from the relationship, eventually it withers and dies. 

So what's missing in this picture? 

Emotional connection. When there's no juice in the connection, most women feel unfulfilled. 

The story with most men is that they are taught to shut down, limit their emotional expression from a very early age. 

Women have a greater range of emotional expression at their disposal and are taught that's it's ok to use most of them publicly. 

Men often find those emotions overwhelming and difficult to cope with, it makes them feel insecure and unsure of how to behave, so they tend to be disparaging about those emotions. (Who hasn't heard the jokes about women and unreasonable emotions!). Those jokes and disparaging remarks make a woman feel less able to express her emotions and erode trust and so they start to shut down emotions too. It also ensures that the couple can never create a container of trust within the relationship. It never becomes a sacred space for having those feelings, expressing those feelings, for being authentic and vulnerable. Deep connection cannot happen in this environment. Transcendent sex will never happen in this space.